Vår fanclub under balkongen

Hanna och jag har en fanclub! Gulligt va?!

Det började för typ en och en halv månad sedan. Alla killarna från gården samlades i en grupp utanför vår balkong och försökte få ut oss. Inte förräns förra veckan gick Hanna och Eku ut till dem och inte förräns igår var jag ute med dem första gången. Det var typ tre mörka som jag inte talade alls med utom den där lilla, fyra finska killar och så tre andra.

Det var också två stycken som gillade mig. Jag fick lite panik och sa att jag har en pojkvän som heter David och han bor i England. Haha! Hade jag hoppats på att dem skulle låta mig vara ifred hade jag fel.

''Varför gör du inte slut med din kille om ni nu bråkar hela tiden? Du har ju mig.''

Vad gulligt. Men inte tillräckligt gulligt. Vi gick hem efter det och nu har jag inte lust att vara ute längre med dem.

Hmm. Idag måste jag städa hela dagen.

P.S. Hanna tycker om Riku!!! 

Nya skoor!

Jag har köpt lite klackskor här på senaste tiden. Ja, jag vet. Med tanke på hur klumpig jag redan är så borde jag väll inte använda klackskor över huvud taget. Plus att jag är så lång utan dem redan. Men jag gillar faktiskt klackskor, så jag bryr mig inte. Och när jag inte håller på och ramlar är jag faktiskt ganska bra på att gå också, haha.

I'm soo happy!! :)
Even though I know most of everything is impossible, it's quite hard to stop smiling right now.
But yeah, I always used to be happy so I guess there's nothing strange with my mood!

What is Happening

lol. I've never invited so much drama into my life all at once. Honestly, I think I could live without it. Sometimes it just feels like I don't really belong here and people are so disappointed in me for not being the way they want me to be, for not getting what they desired.

I'm sorry. People make me apologize for everything and it's fine.

Two things I'm known for is my honesty and that I'm forgiving. I wouldn't lie about important things ever.

I would never say ''I love you'' to someone without really meaning it. So that's why I've never said it to anyone.

Usually I maybe hurt other people with the truth. But I'd rather just stay honest because truth hurts for a while but a lie hurts forever. I wouldn't lead anyone on before knowing for sure it wouldn't all just crash in the fucking end.

I just don't think love is made for me. I've never experienced it, I've always taken care of myself and I think I'd be better off alone. I can't even IMAGINE myself being in a relationship. As a girlfriend, I mean. I don't blame it on anyone or anything but maybe things would have been different if I've lived another life, maybe not. Because this is simply me.

And I don't even want to fall in love.

Ever.

Life is much easier this way, I think. I mean, I was always happy and satisfied. OK. Something happened that made my head spin and made me all confused, but I can control it. And I can choose what to feel.

I'm staying at my sister's. She's sending many kisses.

But I don't like to watch the sunset

Today we went to one of our guyfriend's house and he had himself and two other friends over. Plus me, Mimi and Eku. We were sitting on the sofa in our dresses and high heels and just waiting. We were planning on just staying for a while and then leaving and none of us had planned to smoke or anything.

Everything was just scary and when I got home I passed out four hours in my bed and after that we went out to hang with our other guyfriends. There's always a big group of boys outside our balcony, yelling for us to come out. I already told them I have a boyfriend who dislikes me talking to other guys. They didn't believe me so I went after Joni and made him say he was my boyfriend so that they would leave me alone.

Mother came by today. She told me she didn't want me to come with her after all. That she will leave us here and that we should get part-time jobs and live on our own. Then she was gone. I haven't seen her for months and then she stays five minutes and leaves. It's best this way anyway. I wont miss mother at all. I'm so happy she's leaving.

omg I can't wait til' Fridaaay!<3

Yesterday Was A Good Night

Aren't big houses the perfect place for a party? All these rich men, they're actually pretty nice when you get to know them. The only thing bothering me is I told the owner I have a boyfriend and he still seems want to give it a shot on me.

However, it was really awesome. The house was big, the food and drinks for free and on Friday we're allowed to throw a big party there and invite anyone we want. It's like we can have a big party in not even our house.

Sure, I loooove partying, right?

Yesterday wasn't exactly a party. It was more of chilling with friends at a friend's house. But we had a good time.

Hopefully everything can go well tomorrow. I really hope so. I'm going crazy. Hopefully someone can explain to me what exactly is happening to me. Seriously. I have no clue.

Stupid, unreliable vampire.

Today couldn't have gone worse. It always starts good, tho. Before all the drama comes along. Because it always does come along, the drama. Because some people just love drama.

I know I upset people just by being me, just by being so careless. My whole life I've been struggling with it, people call me cold and too hard to deal with. It doesn't exactly make me happy, but I  accepted who I am and if nothing appeals to me, why should I want it?

It's so unfair that this happened to me. I was fine with being insensible, perfectly fine. Even if I did pray for some feelings, I didn't pray for this. Sure. When it's good, then it's nearly great. But when it's bad it's just awful and I'm wondering if it's worth it? Or is it time to shut your feelings off completely?

Because I can easily do that.

Anyway. I was pretty upset and went for a walk. When I got home Baby had puked everywhere and also menny paskalle on my bed! And she sat there and looked at me with her judgy little eyes.

This was not really my type of a day. But it's still comfortable to know that I'd rather have this than all the meaningless partying I did before.

Jogga igen!

meen täst taas lenkille MOOOOO!

omg.. still not tired at all .

Don't Judge Me

Waiting for Hanna to get her ass over here. I wasn't in a mood to go out since I haven't slept all night. I'm still not tired, whaat?

Baby is sleeping. Ha, I wish I could fall asleep as easily as her. So tomorrow we're maybe going to this guy's house and make food if nothing better comes up.

Nothing much today. I've been babysitting Alexander and played playstation and soon we're going out for a run, Alex and me. Haha, maybe I've been starting to like running? if that's possible.

Anyway. I thought this song was good.

Ut och jogga!

Like I said I can't sleep. So I figured I'd go out jogging. Maybe that'll finally make my brain shut up so I can enjoy a moment of brain-silence.

Okaaay well, see ya!

(yes, I'm seriously going out for a jog. That you don't see everyday, huh?;)

5 in the morning

Fuuuuck. I can't sleep. Poor me. My brain seriously needs to turn off itself and go to sleep and let me sleep. Stupid thinking. Stupid Brain.

So today was pretty messed up. I don't know what's wrong with me, we're just all over everywhere doing things I don't really want to do. And time goes by so slowly.

So. Yeah. We were in a cool house today. It had its own jacuzzi and like three fridges and tiny tomatoes everywhere haha, they're soo cute <3 and tasty. And the guy who owns the house said I can have as many as I want. He also had a fridge full of champagne, booze, beer and cider. But I only drink cider

Got to know two russian boys too. And yesterday we were at a Bluzz's place and just.. ha a good time. I also got 50euros from a guy. He wants to take me out for dinner but I keep making excuses so I don't have to see him.

The crazy thing is I'd just like to be home sleeping instead of everything but I can't sleep. Everyone's asleep, even Baby.

So yeah, it sucks. But the house we were in today was really awesome :3 too bad I didn't bring my camera. But I'm definitely going back there. The guy who owns it says I can come whenever I want and we can do some cooking together, ha!

some pics from the beach.