Today couldn't have gone worse. It always starts good, tho. Before all the drama comes along. Because it always does come along, the drama. Because some people just love drama.
I know I upset people just by being me, just by being so careless. My whole life I've been struggling with it, people call me cold and too hard to deal with. It doesn't exactly make me happy, but I accepted who I am and if nothing appeals to me, why should I want it?
It's so unfair that this happened to me. I was fine with being insensible, perfectly fine. Even if I did pray for some feelings, I didn't pray for this. Sure. When it's good, then it's nearly great. But when it's bad it's just awful and I'm wondering if it's worth it? Or is it time to shut your feelings off completely?
Because I can easily do that.
Anyway. I was pretty upset and went for a walk. When I got home Baby had puked everywhere and also menny paskalle on my bed! And she sat there and looked at me with her judgy little eyes.
This was not really my type of a day. But it's still comfortable to know that I'd rather have this than all the meaningless partying I did before.
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